


Up we go

by acmrcreatives



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Minor Character Death, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22925797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acmrcreatives/pseuds/acmrcreatives
Summary: It could be a conscious choice for Tobio or maybe he doesn't even realize it or it could be pure circumstance that they end up in convenient vicinity all the time. It's just something that Oikawa's noticed. It's not creepy or a bad thing because in his mind, it might just be the universe giving Tobio a hand with everything that's been going on in his life. And the universe deems that Oikawa's the best one for the job.Everyone here is ready to goIt's been a hard year, and I only knowFrom down this lowIt's only up we go, up we goUp we goby Lights
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 95





	Up we go

It's too loud in this bar. 

People and copious amounts of alcohol consumed did not make for a great recipe. The Rangers vs Islanders game is on television, still going and neck deep into its beautiful violence. A handful of Long Island fans cheer as Lundqvist lets another goal pass him, he's really slowed down or he could be stunned by Barzal's beauty - like who knows these things? 

The battle for the Hudson is nigh...

...and Kageyama Tobio does not give a shit.

*

He waits by the bar and exhales loudly as he watches Akiteru talking to some of his teammates from NYU. Tsukishima is headed his way with a couple of beers in his hands. They agreed to go on this trip for varying reasons - Tsukishima, though inept with expressing his feelings obviously wanted to see his brother, while Kageyama's scouting for places to play for a sports exchange program that he qualifies for.

Tobio'd heard that NYU's team is giving Columbia a run for their money this season. And since Akiteru's playing for NYU and put out an open invite for him and Tsukishima to join one of their practice games - he thought it would be best to check the team's strength from that vantage point.

"You ok, King?" Tsukishima asks while setting a Stella Artois in front of Kageyama. This he finds rather offensive so he gives the blonde a withering look. "Really, Tsukishima?" 

"Relax, King. We got a ways to go. The night is young. My brother said that after the game we're going to late dinner. Shawarma, like the Avengers." His words drip with sarcasm but the smile on his face is amused. Tsukishima is a study in contrasts. Tobio is fine with this and he takes a swig and makes peace with Stella.

"Do you like the City?" Surprisingly it is Tobio that speaks this time around and he sets the bottle down to look at his friend. Tsukishima pauses to think about his answer, the mouth of the bottle rests against his lower lip. He ponders before forgoing words and simply shrugs his shoulders.

Tobio understands this - it's a big bustling, electrifying place - but like Tokyo it also has a lot of dark corners and a fat underbelly. He guesses that they've grown up and after living in Tokyo for years, they've learned the business of big city life.

"But I'm really glad you agreed to take this trip." Tsukishima says.

"It's beneficial for my game." Tobio agrees.

*

It's been a hard year.

Tobio doesn't like to dwell on that, doesn't like the idea that there are things that matter that he can't control. The past year wasn't kind to say the least. He could only remember a few good days. All the other days he wants to forget. Because there were times when he felt like he was a blade of ice. That nothing and no one could touch him, simply because they all ended up getting hurt. He tightens his hold on his beer bottle and resists the urge to throw it across the room.

"You doing ok, King?" Tsukishima asks for abouth the Nth time that night.

"Yeah. Just a little overwhelmed by the noise."

"Hockey is a big deal here. And it's the play-offs. Not to mention that the two teams " Tsukishima gestures to the tv " are arch-rivals for pride and territory, New Yorkers take that kind of thing seriously." 

Tobio looks on and slowly nods as if to say - who doesn't?

Akiteru calls out to his brother and Tsukishima excuses himself and Tobio is once again left by his lonesome. He pulls out his phone, like a normal Millennial and browses through his apps and accidentally taps on his voice mail. The archives appear on his phone and there's a drop down with more than a dozen messages for him. He's named this folder - Mom. 

Tobio closes the app and switches to Instagram to zone out for some mindless entertainment.

Everyone around him yells in celebration.

The Hudson is safe.

The Rangers win.

*

Tobio wakes up to sunlight pouring through a great window facing the water. It dawns on him that waking up somewhere in Brooklyn is the same as waking up anywhere else. His mood is dialed on the wrong channel yet again and he feels like sinking back once more under his sheets. He wants to go back to sleep and not have to deal with the world for a few hours.

But the smell of coffee and the quiet chatter nearby piques at his senses and he slowly sits up.

He sees the Tsukishima siblings at the table, eating their breakfast while talking quietly among themselves. It's Akiteru that notices him first. 

"Oh, Tobio did we wake you? Sorry about that."

"No. I was awake and it's...I'm good." He pulls himself together and stands to fix the sofa bed he slept on.

Akiteru's apartment is big by Brooklyn standards but having three grown men, standing over six feet each - made for a tight fit. But they make do. He joins the brothers after he brushes his teeth and is pleased to find out that Special K Red Berries is a good enough breakfast. They linger and enjoy their coffee - ample yet comfortable silence follows.

"Uhm, I was thinking that after practice today we can go to La Palapa in Bowery for dinner." Akiteru says "There's a small community of Japanese Students here, we keep in contact, some of us closer than others. I told some of them that you guys were in town so they want to meet up."

Akiteru looks a little worried as he looks at his brother then at Tobio. Like part of him wants them to agree and the other part of him is guilty for not asking them about it first. 

"King?" Tsukishima says and his tone implies that is Tobio is in, then he is too.

In all honesty, Tobio just wanted Volleyball out of this trip. That's it. He doesn't want affinity, celebration. All he wants is to get lost in stone cold purpose because in the end, it's all he has. How could he go back to anything else when the one person he was working so hard for is gone? 

But he's also not a heathen, he's been extended kindness and generosity by the Tsukishimas and the least he can do is be a functioning house guest. He looks at them and gives an affirmative "Yeah, I'll go."

*

Tobio did not expect the day to turn out like this - to be surrounded by NYU players and complimented for his skills. He did play a good game and blended well with the team. He feels that he should consider this when it's time to decide which team to join for the exchange program.

Tsukishima is in the stands with a couple of other spectators, opting not to join practice and be truly JUST a tourist on this trip. Tobio surmises that he's also busy on his phone nurturing a budding relationship from afar. 

Akiteru approaches Tobio.

"That was a great game. I hope you decide to join us when the time comes."

"Thank you. I will definitely consider it." Tobio answers quietly.

"We should get ready and make our way to Bowery soon. That's where they'll meet us."

*

La Palapa is a famous Mexican restaurant at Saint Marks Street at the Bowery district of Manhattan. It's a bustling place with a lively atmosphere. Tobio looks around and spots a group of mostly-Japanese men and guesses that it's their table. Akiteru leads them and initiates the greetings. Some faces are familiar to Tobio but an introduction always helps. Most of them are volleyball players after all. They play for different schools/teams but most have their roots in the Japanese high school volleyball circuit, which is how they know of Tobio Kageyama and Tsukishima Kei.

He's not good with names but he tries to be cordial to everyone.

"Oh, no need to introduce me. He knows me."

Tobio looks up, even Tsukishima looks from where he's standing and zeros in on the familiar voice. Tobio stands his ground as he looks over five people, straight at a smiling Oikawa Tooru. 

Now, they weren't friends or anything of that sort but Tobio's always treated Oikawa with reverence. An elevated sense of respect from a protege to his mentor. Granted that their history has always been contentious at best, from Tobio's point of view, Oikawa is a standard he wants to live by. A current that helps him navigate an otherwise confusing world. So at that moment he felt calmer, a little bit more focused.

Tobio feels a little bit happier.

"Tobio-chan, how are you?" Oikawa stands and meets him half-way. They shake hands and the younger man feels himself smile. "It's nice to see you, Oikawa-san." 

They make their way to where Oikawa is seated and proceed to catch up.

*

It turns out that Oikawa is in New York for a year because of school - he has to finish a program before he returns to the West Coast to finish his degree. He is a consultant for his college team but not an active member. And he also plays with NYU some days, just to stay in the game and keep close to the community. Tobio thinks that this is how Oikawa will always be. 

A social creature.

Though they make small talk with the other people at their table, they also keep up a conversation that is just for them. About Miyagi, their respective friends, college and life as they know it. Tobio is careful answering his questions and he knows that his upperclassman knows this but maintains his jovial smile throughout dinner.

Tobio wonders if Oikawa keeps up with the goings on of the lives of his former teammates or the people in their circuit back in high school. He wonders if Oikawa's heard about the past year and if it should matter here in another country, another time and seemingly another life.

Turns out that Tobio does not need to wonder that long as Oikawa prattles on about people they know, they used to play against, people that Tobio should know more about since they were his former teammates. Turns out that Oikawa does put in effort when it comes to communication.

"...and it really surprised me that Chibi-chan and that baby cat from Nekoma ended up together! I am happy for them!" Oikawa smiles a little and narrows his eyes "Were you even listening, Tobio-chan!"

"I was. I am happy for them too. But I couldn't make it to their engagement." Tobio says curtly as finishes off his cerveza.

"No one expected you to come, Tobio-chan. Everyone understood." Oikawa watches him from across the table. Tobio finds it hard to swallow but he gets by and nods. 

So, Oikawa does know. 

*

Dinner winds down and while most of the party wants to go karaoke, Oikawa takes initiative and tells Akiteru that he'd like to catch up with Tobio a bit more over after-dinner coffee. Tobio in turn approaches Tsukishima and assures him that he knows how to get back to Akiteru's apartment and would call first to coordinate if they were back from karaoke.

Tsukishima looks wary - although not one to baby anyone, he's taken to be the responsible one for Tobio. He sighs eventually and relents and approaches Oikawa to give him his number and his brother's address and make him promise to get Tobio back safely.

And if Tobio hears Tsukishima tell Oikawa that Tobio's been through a lot the past year - he pretends not to hear that. He doesn't want to think about it. He just wants to be present.

So, on he goes.

*

They end up somewhere in Mercer Street for some after-dinner tea/coffee and sweets at Georgetown Cupcakes. They're delicious and delightful. Guaranteed to put a smile on your face. 

Oikawa swears by it. He insists on treating Tobio.

When they get their order, they find a nearby and well-lit seating area so they can enjoy their sweets. Oikawa takes a bite of his cupcake and beams like a laser gun. This makes Tobio smile before he takes a sip of his green tea.

"You look like a little kid, Oikawa-san."

"Don't you know, Tobio-chan. I am Peter Pan."

Tobio has half a mind to remember who Peter Pan is and he shakes his head. Oikawa did love to gesture with his arms wide open, like he was flying, like he was lost in vast open space. Good grief. Tobio realizes he's being cheerful.

"Yeah, looks like you never grew up." It's said in jest.

And Oikawa takes it, when normally he would never. Tobio is the only exception, because Oikawa knows that Tobio has few but dear things that he holds close to his heart - volleyball, friends and most important of all - his Mom.

Oikawa knows that he is the anomaly in all of this because he is not volleyball and he is not one of Tobio's friends. But he knows he can reach him in places where most people can't. Oikawa knows this because in all the years that he's known Tobio, he's always been two steps behind the older man. It could be a conscious choice for Tobio or maybe he doesn't even realize it or it could be pure circumstance that they end up in convenient vicinity all the time. It's just something that Oikawa's noticed. It's not creepy or a bad thing because in his mind, it might just be the universe giving Tobio a hand with everything that's been going on in his life. And the universe deems that Oikawa's the best one for the job.

"Mmmm.Mmmmm.Mmmmm." Oikawa polishes off his cupcake and gulps down some coffee.

"You want some more cupcake?" Tobio offers half of his that he can't eat anymore. 

"Okay. I don't want this to go to waste!" Oikawa takes the half puts it all in his mouth. Tobio almost spits out his tea because the other man looks funny. And he grossly talks around the cupcake in his mouth.

"Glad you are having fun on my account, Tobio-chan."

"Sorry. It is funny. Sorry..." He continues to chuckle and looks at his shoes trying to calm himself for propriety's sake.

"Don't stop laughing, Tobio-chan. It's alright. Laughing is not a crime." Tobio breathes and his laughter tempers down to a thin smile because what Oikawa says is true. It's not a crime. It's okay to laugh again. 

_It's okay._

"I don't feel like myself. I haven't felt like myself in a while." It evokes a calm acceptance in Tobio and as he says this, he knows that he can never say this to anyone else because Oikawa is the only one that he trusts to understand this feeling of losing a part of yourself.

"Oh, Tobio. How could you? How could you ever feel like your old self again? When you've already changed. This is the new you. The Tobio that's alive even after his Mother's passing. It's the Tobio that breathes even if it's hard for him to find reason to."

"I can't begin to explain the pain, when it's just empty space there."

"When someone, something's been a part of you and suddenly it isn't there anymore - the feeling of your senses searching for it - it's called phantom pain."

Tobio hunches his shoulders and looks down at his empty cup. "She was once there. She was once alive. Right there beside me."

"It can also mean just longing."

"I feel like my whole life's just tipped over to the side. And there are days when I feel that I can't ever get back to who I was before all this." It's the most he's said in a while. It's the most he's shared of himself in a long time. 

"I'm afraid there's no going back, Tobio-chan. We can only go forward from here. make the most of who we are and what we have." Oikawa looks at Tobio intently, conveying the weight of his words and the ferocity of his conviction. "When I had to stop playing volleyball because of my knee injury, it was devastating. But then I realized that the only one that can keep me away from volleyball was myself. I don't play anymore but I'm still part of it. The only person that can keep you away from your Mother is you...Tobio-chan. If you choose to forget her or to honor her as you go through life." 

Oikawa stops as he sees Tobio's eyes glass over with emotion.

"There are messages." Tobio brings out his phone and shows the unheard voice mails that his Mom had left him because he refused to talk about the possibility of her dying with her. He just wanted the present. For them to keep each other company for as long as possible. Tobio refuses to listen to these reminders, signs that she was - ready to go. "She told me she had left all these reminders. If I listen, if I hear then it's real..."

"It's okay to listen to them, Tobio-chan."

"I can't cry."

"Why not? It's okay to cry. I'm here for you."

Kageyama Tobio holds on tightly to his phone before relenting and Oikawa takes the phone and plays the messages.

_...Tobio, on weekends don't forget to clean your room...  
...Tobio, my love. Remember your grocery essentials, I made a list, it's on the refrigerator door...  
...Tobio, just one cup of detergent is enough for one load, remember to separate your whites from the colored clothes...  
...Remember to eat other foods, curry is not enough...  
...Check the expiry date of the milk you drink, ayyy I don't want you to get a tummy ache...  
...Stay warm in the winters...did you know that "Top of the World" by The Carpenters was playing when you were born...  
...Tobio...I am with you, even when I'm not beside you. In every game you win or lose, I am with you...you are my greatest joy and the best gift life has given to me..._

And the glass breaks - the ice inside Tobio melts and in that hapless nowhere location in the middle of Lower Manhattan - he cries. He realizes why he's been holding on to his self-control so hard, realizes why he's refused to let go all this time, the fear of not having anyone protect his shattered soul, the fear of not having anyone protect him while he tries to pick up the pieces and put himself back together again. But now, Oikawa's here. It's okay...

Tobio clasps his hands together and tells himself to feel all this pain, let it go and move forward.

He feels a gentle hand on his back, moves up and holds his nape gently. 

It's been a hard year for Tobio and sometimes it's felt like time refused to flow, caught in stasis that he can't get out of - Oikawa's light is medicine and so he moves towards it. Tobio closes his eyes as he clings to Oikawa, letting the older man hold him, shield him from an ever-moving world.

"Whatever happens, Tobio. Remember that you can only honor her memory by living the life she gave you and doing the things you love." Oikawa whispers this against the strands of his jet black hair.

And for the first time since his Mother's passing Tobio responds, Tobio exhales.

*

"You have my number now, right? Don't lose it or I'll be upset." Oikawa smiles as he climbs the stairs of the brownstone with Tobio. The latter received a text message from Tsukishima that they're back in Akiteru's apartment.

"I do. When I decide on a university, I'll contact you, but I'm seriously considering NYU." Tobio says with a glimmer in his eyes.

"I can go for that. Make sure to beat Columbia and make them cry, Tobio-chan!" Oikawa mock-cheers Tobio on and does a little jig behind him as they reach the landing. This make Tobio smile and he finds it in himself to tease back just a little "Are you cheering for me or is it because Ushijima Wakatoshi is vice-captain for Columbia?"

This makes Oikawa laugh - loud and hearty.

"BOTH!" he says with mirth and slings a careless arm over Tobio's shoulders.

Oikawa lets go and steps back so he and the younger man are face to face. He doesn't count on Tobio bowing gently and sincerely.

"Thank you for what you do for me, Oikawa-san."

"I feel like our lives are forever running in parallel, Tobio-chan. No matter where you and I go, we are next to one another. We'll be fine. We might not be excellent, but we'll be fine."

Tobio nods to agree and he steps back only to be pulled by Oikawa in a great bear hug. He closes his eyes and tries to commit this to memory because it matters. Oikawa holds on tight and thumps the back of Tobio's shoulder gently.

There is no grand gesture, no dramatic goodbye.

There is only _them._


End file.
